i hope u find someone that mindlessly plays with your hands and lightly strokes your legs and massages your back and plays with your hair and i hope that u feel like you’re home when u look at them
if you’ve ever taken a shower to muffle your sobs, I’m sorry and I love you. if you’ve ever eaten alone in a bathroom stall, I’m sorry and I love you. if you’ve ever used makeup to conceal evidence of pain, I’m sorry and I love you. if you’ve ever looked in a mirror and wanted to change what you saw, I’m sorry and I love you. if you’ve ever questioned your worth because of someone else, I’m sorry and I love you. you’re not alone, and you don’t deserve the hurt you’ve experienced. you are good enough—more than good enough. you and valid, you have meaning, and you are loved even when you don’t know it.
Ask yourself why you do what you do. Why do you react that way…? Why do you withdraw or want to fight or throw yourself into anything else when faced with stress? Why do you feel the desire to fall back on behaviors & patterns you want to move from when you’re met with a certain situation? You can identify the root, but then you have to pull it. You can get caught up in trying to identify and find the source of your suffering and think when you’ve found it you’re done. Once you find the source & put your attention on it, it begins to dissipate. When you sit with it and work to understand what it’s trying to teach you it dissolves even more. This isn’t a one time process, you can return again and again to the same root source before it’s been dissolved and released. So be patient but continue to examine your actions & speech for self-understanding.
I’m always a slut for deep conversations and exploring our feelings at 1am
Listen, i know you’re feeling like you can’t handle this. I know how true that seems right now. But in a year’s time, you’ll be standing tall, flushed with pride looking back at how far you’ve come. Getting through this might be messy, and tough as hell, but just keep holding on tight.
Big sweaters and lacy lingerie underneath
high quality coffee is a sexual experience for me